#123

Knowing he bargain shops irregular clothing outlets is no more disconcerting that the fact that his right arm is noticeably longer than his left. It's also more heavily muscled and I dont understand why.

#122

Suspected bed-wetter.

#121

He always gets a flyer from the right wing media.

#120

He jokingly refers to Megan McCains inability to raise her arms above shoulder level as having been the result of abuse she suffered in captivity in Vietnam. In reality she can't raise her arms above shoulder level because she is fat. Kevin LaFontaine is a dick.

#119

He was caught in a video sting race-baiting an El Salvadorean child sex worker in exchange for federal brothel assistance.

#118

He says that the real reason Megan McCain wears fake hair is that her scalp was severely burned when she was shot down over Vietnam.

#117

When he stole those photos of me that were strictly for personal use on ADULT Social Networking sites and posted them in the laundry room (for the whole world to see btw), he claimed that he was protected from liabilities by something called: 'fair use doctrine'. That is completely absurd.

#116

His views dont represent the mainstream.

#115

He may have an addiction...to caffeine.

#114

He is standing in the way of real reform.

#113

Sometimes he agrees with Perez Hilton.

#112

You know that scene in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly where the guy who plays Clint Eastwood is severely dehydrated and his lips start cracking and peeling? Kevin LaFontaine's lips look like that every day.

#111

He blames the US entertainment industry for the dearth of masculine British superheroes.

#110

He is like those hair fragments that collect at your t-shirt collar after you get a haircut.

#109

He once tried to cut an album with Mumia Abu Jamal.

#108

The choices he makes regarding hygiene products are questionable, at best. As an example, consider the fact that his anti-perspirant stick of choice does not include a deodorant component.

#107

He is a buffoon, and not moderately priced like at Golden Corral.

#106

He has lived his entire life with the assumption, supported by several old episodes of 'Batman', that penguins quack.

Everybody knows that penguins lack the vocal apparatus necessary to produce sound and instead communicate using a sophisticated array of head-bobs, arm-wags and intricate footwork.

#105

He never thinks about this children. He's always like: "hell with the children".

#104

He has never done ANYTHING for Tibet.

Blog Update

Just FYI, this is a single issue blog.

#103

If eugenics could have prevented Kevin LaFontaine, the movement itself would have tremendous merit.

#102

While it would be easy to analogize Kevin LaFontaine as a social butterfly, the term itself is misleading because butterflies are possessed of natural beauty and grace. Likewise the term "social caterpillar" would be inaccurate at best, because he does not have the prerequisite mysterious inner beauty. The most apt description would therefore have to be "pus gorged leech".

#101

If you forget to log out, he will send homoerotic emails to your boss.

Reason #100 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He pictures himself as a stylish, young hipster but he is neither stylish nor hip and his youth is fading.

Reason #99 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He harvests toe jam in front of other people.

Reason #98 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He thinks he can just spam fear over and over and that makes him uber.

Reason #97 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Long story short:

I recently had to have Kevin LaFontaine over to my place for a group project. I was totally against it because of principles, etc. But whatever.

Anyways, while he was over (not really helping, btw) he found this item in my bathroom:


Well before you know it, he is accusing me of stealing it from his room! I'm like: "No way, dude!"

But he would have none of it and even after he acted like he was going to drop the matter it turns out that he put it in his bag and left with it! And it was MINE!

He's a thief and a destroyer of dreams!

Reason #96 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He is always talking about how hot chicks are always lining up to be with him and how if he had a reclining lawn chair the hot chicks would all be crowded around him, feeding him peeled grapes, dates and passion fruit, but the truth of the matter is that he is lying. There is NO WAY that would happen.

Reason #95 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If you offer him a stick of gum, he will chew it up and swallow it BEFORE the flavor runs out and then ask for more.

Reason #94 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He will never be accused of being "too well dressed".

Reason #93 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Mouth breather.

Reason #92 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He's responsible for starting that obnoxious Chuck Norris meme.

Reason #91 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He spreads lies and misinformation regarding health care reform. I'm going to report him to the White House.

Reason #90 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If I had an airlock, I would push him out of it.

Reason #89 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

This morning there is a news story about an astronaut who didn't change his underwear for a month. Kevin LaFontaine does that all the time and his underwear isn't experimental.

Reason #88 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If he was a chick, he wouldn't be very hot.

Reason #87 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He is redefining what it is to be an asshole in America today.

Reason #86 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If your not watching, he'll eat the whole thing.

Reason #85 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He prefers to be part of the problem, rather than part of the solution.

Reason #84 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

His fiendish plot to kidnap and mutilate feral cats is inexplicably garnering positive press.

Reason #83 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He totally disregards the advice of both Elvis and Cheap Trick in that he WILL BE cruel.

Reason #82 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

His assertion that he is and always has been a cat person is dubious at best.

Reason #81 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He still does that cock'n'balls routine from Adam Sandler from 20 years ago. Get over it already.

Almost end of July Update

Just a reminder for everyone who does not already know. Kevin LaFontaine is a dick and this blog offers irrefutable proof of that. If you still have any doubts, please go back to the first month and read from the beginning.

Reason #80 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He still insists that Captain Benteen was derelict.

Reason #79 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Remember when President Obama got in trouble for checking out that teenage girls' butt? She was 16. Kevin LaFontaine got in trouble one time for checking out a 15 year old girls' butt.

Reason #78 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

While he's an adult in a chronological sense, he still clings to a child like belief that potential employers might take him seriously when he shows up to interviews sporting his pierced eyebrow.

Reason #77 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He spends a lot of time in the steam room at Golds gym.

Reason #76 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

His email passwords aren't very strong.

Reminder

Today as we try to celebrate or greener, more eco-friendly July 4th, it is important to keep in mind that Kevin LaFontaine is a dick. Even worse than that blond haired guy in Better off Dead. I forget his name.

Reason #75 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

You know how the clock always stops ticking right before an unspeakable evil is about to go down? The same thing happens whenever Kevin LaFontaine walks into a room.

Reason #74 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Regarding the smell of ass in reason #73 below, I have never smelled Kevin LaFontaines ass specifically, rather, I described his room as smelling of ass in a more generic sense.

Reason #73 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Whereas his room smells like sweat as noted in Reason #72 below, it is important to note that his sweat smells like ass.

Reason #72 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

His room smells like sweat.

Reason #71 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He has never heard of Chickenfoot.

Reason #70 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

When he gets popcorn stuck in his teeth he digs it out with a nail instead of excusing himself to somewhere private where he can floss it out.

Slow Month at DTKL Blog

Although there has only been a few posts this month, mostly today, rest assured that there are literally thousands of reasons to not trust Kevin LaFontaine.

You can trust me on that!

Reason #69 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He prefers his steak overcooked.

Reason #68 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He regularly used the term "faggot" before Perez Hilton said it was acceptable.

Reason #67 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He has not yet started his personal inventory of how he is taking responsibility for his own carbon footprint.

Reason #66 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

His credit rating leaves a lot to be desired.

Why To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine As It Relates to Iron Eagle

In thinking of the many reasons to Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine, one thing is becoming more clear. Kevin LaFontaine is a real life version of Knotcher from Iron Eagle. I'll explain:

You know how in the beginning of Iron Eagle, Knotcher is portrayed as a dick. He's a low grade villian but not a real threat so Doug Masters is annoyed by him but thats about it. But Knotcher keeps being a dick and eventually Doug Masters has to race him in a airplane. The way this story parallels my experiences with Kevin LaFontaine is frightening. Well, it turns out that Doug Masters was going to win but somehow, Knotcher found a way to betray him. Much like Kevin LaFontaine betrayed me. But in the end the good guy (Doug Masters, btw) found a way to win the race and then he was able to punch out Knotcher.

The way my blog about Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine matches Iron Eagle leaves no doubt that in the end I will win and probably get to punch out Kevin LaFontaine. Victory will be totally sweet.

Reason #65 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

His personal profanity filter is stuck in the off position.

Reason #65 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He is useless in PvP.

Reason #64 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If he adds you on Twitter and you do not reciprocate he gets offended.

Reason #63 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He doesn't seem to care about Darfur.

Reason #62 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He insists on watering his lawn during peak daylight hours, meaning if we were having a drought, he would be exacerbating it.

Reason #61 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

When he is peeling an orange, he will pick off pieces of that white tissue and leave them on the arm of your couch.

Kevin LaFontaine is SUCH a SLOB

I have visual evidence. I submit to you, exhibit A:



See those little brown spots on the carpet? Thats right. They're MOUSE TURDS. Thats what his floor looks like. Also I think there is a empty birth control prescription which begs the question that only Kevin LaFontaine can answer:

Kevin LaFontaine, are you taking estrogen?

What a dick he is.

Reason #60 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He always gums up the mouse ball.

Reason #59 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He does not make prudent financial decisions.

Reason #58 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

You know that kid from Moody's gang that always feathered his hair back and wore the Ace Frehley aviator shades? Kevin LaFontaine bases his life around that kids teachings.

Reason #57 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He doesn't think Patti Russo is very hot.

Reason #56 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He doesn't feed his animals regularly.

Kevin LaFontaine And The Curious Case of The Booger on The Handset

One time before we had our falling out, Kevin LaFontaine was at my place with some of the guys playing PS2 and eating pizza.

It was Friday.

Well, my phone rang and it was some dude who wanted to speak with Kevin LaFontaine, who just happened to be there. So I gave the handset to Kevin LaFontaine.

He talked for a while and then hung up. Nobody thought anything of it.

10 minutes later the phone rang again. I went to pick it up and discovered there was a booger right on the mouth piece. It was cold to the touch but still moist.

There was no question that the only possible source for this booger was Kevin LaFontaine.

Reason #55 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He is always sweaty.

Reason #54 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

When you aren't looking he will mess with your TiVO.

Reason #53 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Every time he scratches his ear, he looks at his finger.

Reason #52 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He claims to have coined the term 'sweet sassy mollassy', which is bad whether true or not.

Reason #51 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He is not concerned enough about the new swine flu epidemic to cover his mouth when sneezing.

Job Announcement @ Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine Blog

There's going to be a book soon about not trusting Kevin LaFontaine. I predict it will be a best seller. In order to get that project off the ground, I am going to need the services of an illustrator (who draws pictures).

Position: Illustrator for planned Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine Book

Hours: Negotiable but hurry up.

Salary: Nothing up front but maybe I can spot you a twenty down the road when this book is rocketing up the charts.


If you are a illustrator or can draw good pictures about reasons to not trust Kevin LaFontaine (many of which are listed here) then you should totally contact me because this is going to be BIG TIME.

Reason #50 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He never has correct change.

Reason #49 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

His socks bear suspicious stains.

Reason #48 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He puts sugar on his Fruit Loops.

Reason #47 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If you have a separate can for recyclables, he will put non-recyclables in it.

Reason #46 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He has a limp hand shake.

Not Compensating

By now you have seen those extenz commercials where the ruggedly handsome pitchman and his wife discuss the benefits of extenz, including improvements in "performance" and "size".

Well, Kevin LaFontaine took that commercial seriously, accumulated a supply of extenz and now measures his genetalia on a weekly basis.

Reason #45 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

When he poses for a dramatic photo, he does so with his finger wrapped around the trigger in an irresponsible and dangerous manner.

Reason #44 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

In driving, he scoffs at the notion of controlling the steering wheel with his hands in the tried and true 10 and 2 position, forgoing it in favor of the less efficient 9 and 3.

Reason #43 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If it's his turn to pick up the tab, he always says he forgot his wallet.

Reason #42 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He always throws away his leftovers.

Reason #41 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He never helps n00bs.

Blog Update

Just in case you were wondering, there are still hundreds of reasons to not trust Kevin LaFontaine, and here at Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine blog, we plan to get them all out into the open.

Reason #40 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He has got shifty eyes.

Reason #39 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

When he takes a slice of bread from the bag, he doesnt reapply the plastic tab. He just folds the open end down.

Reason #38 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

When you're eating, he makes a squishy sound with his eye.

Reason #37 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

When he thinks nobody is watching, he blows spit bubbles.

Reason #36 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He wears socks with his sandals.

Kevin LaFontaine: Scourge of The Less Fortunate

There was this one time when everyone in our complex received flyers about a used clothing drive scheduled for the following week. Well, as a normal sensitive and caring community, most of us were compelled to act.

So the day for the clothing drive finally arrives and everyone has boxes of used clothing to donate.

Everyone except....Kevin LaFontaine.

He couldn't even afford to part with a single used REO Speedwagon t-shirt. It was shameful.

Reason #35 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He does not wish to donate his organs.

Reason #34 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He always laughs at crippled people.

Reason #33 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If you just cleaned your room, Kevin LaFontaine will come in and track mud on your floor.

Reason #32 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He always puts his elbows on the dinner table.

Reason #31 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He's not a very good listener.

Kevin LaFontaine is Exceedingly Nasty

One time a bunch of us guys met at Village Inn to hang out and talk about things. Well, Kevin LaFontaine ordered a bowl of clam chowder, which was cool, but what happened next was not.

When he was eating that clam chowder, he accidentally spilled some into the hair on his chin. Then he acted like it wasnt even there, so for the rest of the night, whenever we tried to talk to him, all we could do was look at the droplet of clam chowder clinging to his soul patch.

I'm sure he did it all on purpose.

Reason #30 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He talks too loud at the movies.

Reason #29 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

His shorts are just a little bit too short. When he stretches, they are way too short.

Reason #28 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Sometimes when he is eating food, a crumb will stick to his bottom lip and when you're trying to talk to him, you cant take your eyes away from it.

Reason #27 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

His socks don't always match.

Reason #26 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He put a fart can muffler on his Dodge Neon.

Another story about how Kevin LaFontaine is such a TOOL

One time I was going out of town for like 10 days, so I had to ask Kevin LaFontaine to water my fern while I was gone.

Well, guess what happened? HE "forgot" to water my fern. When I got home, it was all dry and the leaves were brittle. Kevin LaFontaine was responsible.

Reason #25 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He drinks milk right out of the carton.

Reason #24 to Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He calls what he has "pecs". They are really "moobs".

Reason #23 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

His left nostril is noticeably larger than his right.

Reason #22 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

When he talks for a long time, little gobs of saliva gather and congeal in the corners of his mouth, forming a terrifying white paste.

Reason #21 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He plays PS3 with the volume too loud.

Blog Update

New Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine shirts are now available through the link on the sidebar somewhere. They are only available in gray because that is the color that Kevin LaFontaine would hate worst!

My plan is coming together nicely and soon Kevin LaFontaine will be crushed.

Reason #20 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He says he scores with tons of hot chicks. Well, the truth is: he doesn't.

Reason #19 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He wears his baseball cap backwards.

Reason #18 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If there are two muffins left and one is a bran muffin, he'll eat the other one EVERY TIME.

Reason #17 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He NEVER considers a courtesy flush.

Reason #16 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He put a "Type R" sticker on his thermos.

A Story (Real Life) About What a Tool Kevin LaFontaine Is.

This one time about 6 months ago I was in a study group with these guys and we were up all night AND I MEAN CRAMMING for a brutal cultural anthropology mid-term. One of the guys was Kevin LaFontaine.

Anyways, long story short we had some munchies (Doritos (cool ranch) and some drinks (colas, Fresca, etc) and this BIG bowl full of peanuts and butter mints. Well, guess who picked out all the butter mints and left just the peanuts!

Thats right: Kevin LaFontaine!

Reason #15 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He will drink the last cup of coffee and not refill the pot.

Reason #14 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He will answer your phone and say you aren't there. Even if you are!

Reason #13 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He licks his fingers and then digs his hand into the popcorn bag.

Reason #12 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He will borrow your DVDs, then return them all scratched up.

Reason #11 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He will call your sister a whore.

Blog Update

Do you know something I dont know about how Kevin LaFontaine is such a tool?

Email me (look in profile) and I will help you get the word out.

Reason #10 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Reason 10: He always needs a ride.

Reason #9 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Reason 9: Kevin LaFontaine will tell your mom if you have been smoking.

Reason #8 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Reason 8: He snorts when he laughs..at his own jokes.

Reason #7 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Reason 7: He doesn't take very good phone messages.

Reason #6 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Reason 6: Kevin LaFontaine hates ethnic minorities.

Blog Update

Oh man, I totaly brokered a deal to have some bumper stickers made so we can get the word out that Kevin LaFontaine is a dick.

Buy these bumper stickers by the 10 pack and give them to your friends / family who also hate Kevin LaFontaine.

Reason #5 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Reason 5: Does 'farmers hanky' every time. Do not shake hands with Kevin LaFontaine!

Reason #4 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Reason 4: His nose makes a whistle noise when he sleeps.

Reason #3 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Reason 3: If you're a chick and you go out with him, he won't call you later.

Reason #2 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Reason 2: Kevin is his middle name. First name: Marion.

Reason #1 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Reason 1: He's a DICK

History

Ok. Long story short: the reason you cant EVER trust Kevin LaFontaine and should in fact HATE him is because he TOTALY screwed me over.

On Sunday, 15 March of 2009, I trusted him with my USB flash drive thing. See, I was running a bracket for deciding the hottest blog chick in the world and I *thought* I could trust Kevin LaFontaine to help with graphics arts which is his other hobby. But apparently his MAIN hobby is SCREWING ME OVER!

What he did was made a MOCKARY of my hot blog chick bracket and put stuff in his designs that were completely against my vision. Then he STOLE my USB Flash drive thing which I entrusted to him to put graphical arts stuff on so I could load it to my blog and next thing you know, he snooped in to it and found some pictures of me that were for ADULT SOCIAL NETWORKING sites (not safe for work, btw).

Imagine my surprise when I went to laundry room and found pictures of ME on the cork board which is like THE information source for housing where I live. They (pictures) were suppose to be PRIVATE which is why I did not post them all over in my room for the whole world to see.


So for every one to understand I can boil it down to this:

If Kevin LaFontaine could do this to ME, he could do it to you!!

...so DONT trust him!

Mission Statement

Don't Trust Kevin LaFontaine Blog is about how you can never EVER trust Kevin LaFontaine. In fact you should HATE him!

On this blog I will give you new reasons to HATE him every day.