#106

He has lived his entire life with the assumption, supported by several old episodes of 'Batman', that penguins quack.

Everybody knows that penguins lack the vocal apparatus necessary to produce sound and instead communicate using a sophisticated array of head-bobs, arm-wags and intricate footwork.

#105

He never thinks about this children. He's always like: "hell with the children".

#104

He has never done ANYTHING for Tibet.

Blog Update

Just FYI, this is a single issue blog.

#103

If eugenics could have prevented Kevin LaFontaine, the movement itself would have tremendous merit.

#102

While it would be easy to analogize Kevin LaFontaine as a social butterfly, the term itself is misleading because butterflies are possessed of natural beauty and grace. Likewise the term "social caterpillar" would be inaccurate at best, because he does not have the prerequisite mysterious inner beauty. The most apt description would therefore have to be "pus gorged leech".

#101

If you forget to log out, he will send homoerotic emails to your boss.

Reason #100 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He pictures himself as a stylish, young hipster but he is neither stylish nor hip and his youth is fading.

Reason #99 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He harvests toe jam in front of other people.

Reason #98 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He thinks he can just spam fear over and over and that makes him uber.

Reason #97 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Long story short:

I recently had to have Kevin LaFontaine over to my place for a group project. I was totally against it because of principles, etc. But whatever.

Anyways, while he was over (not really helping, btw) he found this item in my bathroom:


Well before you know it, he is accusing me of stealing it from his room! I'm like: "No way, dude!"

But he would have none of it and even after he acted like he was going to drop the matter it turns out that he put it in his bag and left with it! And it was MINE!

He's a thief and a destroyer of dreams!

Reason #96 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He is always talking about how hot chicks are always lining up to be with him and how if he had a reclining lawn chair the hot chicks would all be crowded around him, feeding him peeled grapes, dates and passion fruit, but the truth of the matter is that he is lying. There is NO WAY that would happen.

Reason #95 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If you offer him a stick of gum, he will chew it up and swallow it BEFORE the flavor runs out and then ask for more.

Reason #94 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He will never be accused of being "too well dressed".

Reason #93 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Mouth breather.

Reason #92 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He's responsible for starting that obnoxious Chuck Norris meme.

Reason #91 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He spreads lies and misinformation regarding health care reform. I'm going to report him to the White House.

Reason #90 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If I had an airlock, I would push him out of it.

Reason #89 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

This morning there is a news story about an astronaut who didn't change his underwear for a month. Kevin LaFontaine does that all the time and his underwear isn't experimental.

Reason #88 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If he was a chick, he wouldn't be very hot.