Reason #55 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He is always sweaty.

Reason #54 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

When you aren't looking he will mess with your TiVO.

Reason #53 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

Every time he scratches his ear, he looks at his finger.

Reason #52 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He claims to have coined the term 'sweet sassy mollassy', which is bad whether true or not.

Reason #51 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He is not concerned enough about the new swine flu epidemic to cover his mouth when sneezing.

Job Announcement @ Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine Blog

There's going to be a book soon about not trusting Kevin LaFontaine. I predict it will be a best seller. In order to get that project off the ground, I am going to need the services of an illustrator (who draws pictures).

Position: Illustrator for planned Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine Book

Hours: Negotiable but hurry up.

Salary: Nothing up front but maybe I can spot you a twenty down the road when this book is rocketing up the charts.


If you are a illustrator or can draw good pictures about reasons to not trust Kevin LaFontaine (many of which are listed here) then you should totally contact me because this is going to be BIG TIME.

Reason #50 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He never has correct change.

Reason #49 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

His socks bear suspicious stains.

Reason #48 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He puts sugar on his Fruit Loops.

Reason #47 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If you have a separate can for recyclables, he will put non-recyclables in it.

Reason #46 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He has a limp hand shake.

Not Compensating

By now you have seen those extenz commercials where the ruggedly handsome pitchman and his wife discuss the benefits of extenz, including improvements in "performance" and "size".

Well, Kevin LaFontaine took that commercial seriously, accumulated a supply of extenz and now measures his genetalia on a weekly basis.

Reason #45 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

When he poses for a dramatic photo, he does so with his finger wrapped around the trigger in an irresponsible and dangerous manner.

Reason #44 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

In driving, he scoffs at the notion of controlling the steering wheel with his hands in the tried and true 10 and 2 position, forgoing it in favor of the less efficient 9 and 3.

Reason #43 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If it's his turn to pick up the tab, he always says he forgot his wallet.

Reason #42 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He always throws away his leftovers.

Reason #41 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He never helps n00bs.

Blog Update

Just in case you were wondering, there are still hundreds of reasons to not trust Kevin LaFontaine, and here at Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine blog, we plan to get them all out into the open.

Reason #40 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He has got shifty eyes.

Reason #39 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

When he takes a slice of bread from the bag, he doesnt reapply the plastic tab. He just folds the open end down.

Reason #38 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

When you're eating, he makes a squishy sound with his eye.

Reason #37 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

When he thinks nobody is watching, he blows spit bubbles.

Reason #36 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He wears socks with his sandals.

Kevin LaFontaine: Scourge of The Less Fortunate

There was this one time when everyone in our complex received flyers about a used clothing drive scheduled for the following week. Well, as a normal sensitive and caring community, most of us were compelled to act.

So the day for the clothing drive finally arrives and everyone has boxes of used clothing to donate.

Everyone except....Kevin LaFontaine.

He couldn't even afford to part with a single used REO Speedwagon t-shirt. It was shameful.

Reason #35 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He does not wish to donate his organs.

Reason #34 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He always laughs at crippled people.

Reason #33 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

If you just cleaned your room, Kevin LaFontaine will come in and track mud on your floor.

Reason #32 To Dont Trust Kevin LaFontaine

He always puts his elbows on the dinner table.